Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
