Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
