Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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