You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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