when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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