I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
