Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
