My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize