5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i will never coherently bang her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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