plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
