I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
