hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
