He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
