True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
