so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
