he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My vagina is officially offended.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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