Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
