sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
