Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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