I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
