better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
