i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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