She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
