you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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