If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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