ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize