Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
