Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
