You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
