Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
