she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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