Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
