I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
