I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
