Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
