That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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