So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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