We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
