she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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