isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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