Pants 0. Shit 1.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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