I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
