I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
