Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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