Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize