I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
