careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
