I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
