Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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