Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
