I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
