Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize