someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
