not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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