hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize