She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
