why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
