You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
