I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize