I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
