i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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