im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize