thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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