I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
