I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize